and two weeks later, mother's birthday ~ may 8, 1924.
she would've been 86. she and daddy were one year and two weeks apart in age. her hand a week before she died. may 29, 2009. almost one year.it wasn't until the dementia took all of her defense mechanisms away that i saw a glimpse of the real betty smith . she really was a very nice, loving person. underneath it all. so our time together at the end was a very grace-filled time that God allowed me to have. time to forgive and be forgiven.
if things could've been different..... my father used to always say that "if" was the biggest word in the dictionary. so true. but things weren't different so i live with the gratefulness to God for giving me the opportunity before she died to give the forgiveness that i was never able to completely give and the joy of knowing that she's with Him and that i'll see her again when i get there. well and healed and exactly the way God intended for her to be. and ditto for me. great glory and praise to Him for that day!
my memories are a bit skewed about her and so this post is not like the one for daddy. i won't lie. the 29th of every month is not painful, every holiday i don't cry. i don't feel the deep loss that i did for my father. i don't dream about her. i don't burst into tears when i smell a fragrance that she wore. i don't quote her.
the difference between the two of them was monumental. i loved my father. he knew how to love me. i can say that i loved her because she was my mother. i'm not sure that she knew how to love me or us. too much stuff in the way. but now she's free. and happy. and perfect.
i'm looking forward to meeting her in Heaven. His bride in perfection.
happy birthday, mother. and happy mother's day.
