hard

life. is hard.

i didn't used to think so even when it was. too much pollyana? i've never thought so. there is always a new day. even a new time of day to start over. right now i'm smack in the middle of hard. and no, not everything is good. all that matters is not good. God is good and He is working, i just can't see it. right now. there is something that matters to me beyond measure and the reality of it is not good.

faith ~ it is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.

i can't see with my eyes right now. truthfully, i sometimes lack confidence. i get really scared. and beyond sad. it's pain like i've never in my whole life experienced. "but God" says that i can trust Him because He is for us and not against us. He will give hope and a future if we believe what He says. what if.....i actually believe Him? and live that way. i try very hard to do that most days. but there are some that wash over me just like a flood. like today.

the hope is there. and the future. if i pick it up and believe Him. and trust.

and so life today, right this minute is so hard. my only sane option is to lift my head. God is the lifter of my head. deep breath. i am so incredibly grateful that my God IS. not was or will be but always IS. He is a present participle God. always happening. i love that.

so as the tears wash down my face, i lift my head. to Him Who can brush them away and say that it's okay to cry them. what a relief. i don't have to hide them. He knows that i'm human and have days when the pain is so great that i have no choice but to let them fall.

and He is here.
and He is there.
and He is working on it.
all in His time.

hard.